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Dear Bear,
It’s a been a crazy year for you. You graduated from kindergarten under COVID-19. You were homeschooled and saw your daddy work from home, commandeering your bedroom as office space.
You grew three inches and your writing has gotten better with practice. You’ve made a lot of strides in development and you’re just so smart and well-spoken.
You love Roblox, though I don’t really understand it. You love Minecraft and I’m starting to get the hang of it. You love your friends, and you love going out for boba tea.
You’re an amazing young man, and I can’t wait to see what develops with you in the future.
You’re also half-Black and you will be a target for racism in the future.
You asked me about George Floyd the other day and it was a hard question for me to answer. I told you the truth – he was treated unfairly and unjustly killed because he was Black. You looked down at your light skin tone and looked back at mine.
“I’m not Black, Mommy!” You told me. “I’m brown.”
“Your skin tone is brown, baby,” I told you, while resisting tears, “but you’ll still be treated as if you’re dark as Mommy.”
You looked at me with an obvious question mark in your eyes. You didn’t understand and honestly, I still don’t.
“Bear, you and your friends will be targeted because of your race. The police will treat you different because of it.”
You looked at me with wide eyes. “That’s not fair!”
“And now you know why everyone is so upset.”
It’s a talk I’m going to have with you many times and it won’t get easier. I’ll have the talk when you experience racism at school. I’ll have the talk when you experience racism when you’re out shopping at a fancy store or any store, for that matter.
I’ll have the talk with you before you start driving because you will be pulled over for no reason other than you’re a Black man driving a nice car. And if you’re in an unfamiliar neighborhood, you’ll definitely be targeted.
You’ll be seen as a threat even though you’re minding your own business. You’ll be seen as a threat even though you’re not breaking any laws. You’ll be seen as a threat even though you’re just sitting in a car listening to music.
And there’s absolutely nothing I can do to save you from that.
I’m writing you this letter to educate you and tell you the world won’t be fair to you. It doesn’t matter you’re a light-skinned, half-Black child. Once people know there’s some Black in you, that’s all they see. President Barack Obama and Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, are just two examples of biracial Black people whose light-skin tone didn’t save them from racism.
I hope once you get older, things will be different. I’m sure my parents thought the same for me. And I’m sure their parents thought the same for them.
You’re going have to work twice as hard for half the recognition. You’re going have to be extraordinary to stand out. Even then, you’ll still get the racist attacks. And you’ll have your white friends and family members tell you to stop playing the race card and that ‘it’s not always about race.’
Except, it is. It always is and it’ll always will be.
I don’t want you to give up or live your life in despair. Nor do I want you to be constantly angry and hold that anger inside of you. I want you to enjoy life and live it to its fullest. I also want you to be cognizant of what is going on.
There is anti-blackness from a lot of people, not just White people. It is not your job to teach them to love and accept you. It is their job to ask themselves about their fear of Black folks.
You will have friends who will make racist comments about you and other friends of different races. Stop hanging out with them. They won’t get better and they’re not joking.
You’ll have friends who will talk slang around you because they feel they can relate to you better that way. They can speak English and tell them so.
You’ll have family members who’ll praise your curly hair and light skin tone. Correct them. That’s colorism.
You’ll have family members and friends who will try to quiet your voice when you express your frustration. They don’t like it when Black folks speak out. They like quiet and mild Negroes. Be as loud as you can.
You’ll have friends and family members who will be purposely quiet on issues regarding Black folks, but they love the slang, the music, and our culture. Stay away from them. They don’t love you, they love your culture.
Lastly, there are people out there who don’t like Black people at all, but they like you. Once you figure out who they are (and you will), disassociate yourself immediately. They were never your friend.
I love you and want nothing for the best for you, baby. It’s a long road, but a change is coming. Hopefully, your generation will be the change in the world for everyone to see.
Love,
Mommy.
All photos except the first were taken by @caliwinter, Bear’s dad and my husband.
